Sooner or later someone will come up with a name for the relational impact that the Coronavirus has had on families across America. Perhaps they already have and I am not yet in that loop. Whatever this impact will be called, it has done quite a bit of damage to a number of folks.
Fox News recently ran an article with the sad title: Divorce Rates Surge in Coronavirus Quarantine. [1] Couples who were doing okay are finding that with the problems associated with lost income and jobs, anxiety over health – one’s own and one’s family’s, and the unremitting presence of someone with whom you are not accustomed to spending quite so much time are now struggling. As the Fox article says, these and other factors are “pushing some couples over the brink.”
The pressures that people are facing these days are very real. The pressures that YOU are facing are very real. In the best of circumstances, relationships are not easy on this side of heaven. One of the saddest results of sin is strife and conflict in our most basic relationships – Adam and Eve themselves would struggle (Genesis 3:16). Cain and Abel would fail to get along (Genesis 4). In the New Testament Euodia and Syntyche would quarrel (Philippians 4:2). This human legacy of strife, jealousy and quarreling continues into our own generation – into our own hearts and homes. And compounding this, these are not the best of circumstances!
It is something of a truism to note that you are capable of harboring the lowest and meanest thoughts about those to whom you are closest. As a pastor, I have seen Christian men and women speak both to and about their spouses in ways and in tones that I am quite sure they would NEVER use in speaking about anyone else! It is no different in the world outside of the Church. Familiarity, in an observable sense, does indeed often breed contempt.
There is currently a collection of maps making their rounds on social media in which various facts about the United States of America are visually represented. Map #12 intrigued me. It bears the title: Every State’s Least Favorite State.[2] According to Matt Surelee’s Instagram research (don’t bet your life on it), our unhappy idiom proves true; familiarity does breed contempt. The poll asked North Dakotans whom they hate most. They answered, “South Dakota.” South Dakota answered, “North Dakota.” Michigan hates Ohio and Ohio hates Michigan. Texas hates Oklahoma; Oklahoma (plus California, New Mexico, and Alaska) hates Texas. Kentucky and Tennessee hate each other. Virginia and West Virginia hate each other… You get the idea! Our worst feelings are often reserved for and directed at our closest neighbors. Only three states break the mold: Florida hates Florida, Hawaii hates no one, and New Jersey hates everyone.
So what can we do in light of this empirically verified law?[3] How can we avoid holding our close and constant neighbors in contempt?
Start with the first letter of the alphabet of love: LOVE IS PATIENT. (1 Corinthians 13:4).
Dear husband and wife, now is not the time to try to settle a long standing disagreement or resolve your biggest frustrations with one another. During all of the unusual and atypical stresses you are under, be sure to make it your business to “do everything without complaining and arguing.” (Philippians 2:14). If ever there was a time to “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bear with one another,” this is that time! (Ephesians 4:2). Parents and children, hang in there! Be patient. Employers and employees – fight the good fight, don’t simply be good at fighting!
And if you need any help in trying to survive this season of loving folks at close quarters, please don’t hesitate to call one of your elders. Serving your spiritual needs is our primary function and our highest calling!
Your Pastor,
Bob Bjerkaas
[1]https://www.foxbusiness.com/lifestyle/coronavirus-divorce-rate-couples-quarantine
[2]https://www.boredpanda.com/amazing-usa-maps-facts/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=BPFacebook&fbclid=IwAR21ucEKgTQ8HG2hLqE5b36O_UuPPllG8AZ8aT1dM_MjVjqESRJu1ztazQA[
3] Google “Familiarity Breeds Contempt” and you will find any number of refereed articles in which psychologists and therapists comment on this rule.
Well said and valuable suggestions for families.